I Added You to the Chat
by excel.siors
Summary: Basically, the Senior Staff having a group chat. This is literally just a compilation of random conversations post-administration.
1. Chapter 1

**Alright, well, here's a thing. Basically, every chapter is just a different conversation between our favorite dorks. If it's awful, I apologize, but my friends encouraged it. Please ignore the fact that these are in a completely random order, and also the fact that group chat technology was not quite so advanced at the time that some of these convos would take place. Willing suspension of disbelief and all that.**

**Dedicating this to my on GC who give me way more confidence than I probably should have. Nevertheless, here were are. (feat. Sorkin's best characters)**

Josh to _Secret Plan to Fight Inflation_: Happy Turkey Day fools

Sam: HAPPY TURKEY DAY. WE HAVE TURKEY. I LOVE TURKEY!

CJ: Why you insist on sending this thanksgiving text every year is beyond me

Josh: It's tradition

Josh: We do it for all the holidays

Sam: Yeah DUH

CJ: We do it for all the holidays because we're not together on those days. We're always together on thanksgiving you're literally two rooms down from me right now

Sam: IM IN THE MIDDLE

Toby: I hate you all

Donna: Why do you hate me? :(

Toby: except for Donna

Sam: rude.

Josh: double rude.

Donna: :*

. . . . .

Charlie: HAPPY TURKEY DAY

CJ: little late to the party Charles

Charlie: excuse me but I'm the one who actually has to stay on the farm and wake up at the crack of dawn to help my father in law MAKE the turkey for all you ungrateful people

Toby: don't call me ungrateful on thanksgiving

Toby: It's the only day of the year when I say nice things, and I'd like it to be recognized

Sam: I'm not ungrateful. I was yelling about the turkey. That's how grateful I am. Grateful enough to require yelling.

Josh: Wait...Charlie and jed MAKE the turkey? How do they do that? I thought only turkeys could make turkeys

CJ: Whose idea was it to start this group chat because I'm about to disband it

Sam: Do you even know how group chats work?

CJ: Not exactly no

Josh: If you leave and/or kick us out we're just gonna start a new one without you so

Charlie: Don't we already have one of those?

Donna: Um...no?

Sam: Charlie that's the GUYS' chat

Charlie: Oh whoops donnas not in that one either

Donna: wow.

Toby: Would you all please stop texting each other so we can get a move on already?

Sam: I AGREE! Let's get the turkey Charlie birthed!


	2. Chapter 2

Josh sent a photo to _Well Done Burgers Are a Joke_

Josh: home sweet home

CJ: awwww I love it!

Charlie: YES! Zoey asked when the housewarming party is

Josh: idk yet

Sam: it's next Saturday

Charlie: sweet we'll be there

Josh: hold on...

Toby: hey, this actually looks good

Toby: Mazel Tov

Josh: THANKS

Josh: but also...Sam do you have something to share with the class?

Sam: Donna and I decided to throw a party next Saturday and you're all invited

Josh: were either of you going to tell me about this?

Donna: why would we? It's not like you're gonna be any help anyways

CJ: lol

CJ: don't think I'm gonna be able to make it to the party though

Charlie: bummer

CJ: yeah :(((

Toby: what? You mean you aren't going to fly 3000 miles cross country to celebrate josh and Donna moving from one apartment into another apartment?

Donna: no one finds your sass funny

Sam: I laughed

Josh: that's really not saying much

Sam: :/

Josh: and it's a bigger apartment!

Charlie: Zoey said to tell you we're bringing chili to the party

Donna: aw she's so sweet! You shouldn't feel obligated to bring anything though

Charlie: yeah I think she just likes excuses to make chili so she can say "see isn't this better than Dad's?"

Josh: sounds about right

Sam: I'll bring the LIQUOR

Josh: Donna can't drink moron. Are you TRYING to kill my unborn child?

Sam: oh :((( I forgot...

Sam: ains says chips and salsa instead?

Josh: just as long as it's not that junk from a jar you picked up last time

Sam: okay LOOK don't hate on the chi-chis just cuz it comes in a jar

Toby: that's definitely not the reason we hated it

Sam: fine ur all h8rs anyways

Toby: I feel obligated to bring something because everyone else offered, but I can't cook, so does tugging the monsters along count?

Donna: of course! And if you wouldn't mind you should tell their mother she's welcome as well :)

Toby: noted

CJ: wow I miss you guys a lot

Sam: WE MISS YOU TOO CLAUDIA JEAN

Charlie: you literally have the most relaxed job of any person I've ever met just come visit

Josh: ^^^

CJ: I'm already coming for like a week before the wedding

Charlie: uh...so?

CJ: just because I don't have an 18 hour work day anymore does not mean I can just leave whenever I want

Sam: it kinda does

CJ: not really no

Sam: yeah but just like...kinda, ya know?


	3. Chapter 3

**Background for this convo: in my headcanon future-verse, Sam and Ainsley move to NY so he can run for Congress there in the 2014 election, and Josh suffers dramatically. (Also their doggos' names come from Gilbert and Sullivan because they're nerds.) And there's a reference to another wip multi-chap of mine in here somewhere if you care enough to find it.**

Sam to _Josh Has a Sensitive System_: EVERYONE

Sam: 911 EMERGENCY

Sam: I REPEAT. 911 EMERGENCY

CJ: this better be good spanky

Sam: Josh just killed my dog

CJ: WHAT?!

Donna: what?

Charlie: ...what...?

Josh: I did not actually kill his dog

Sam: he almost killed my dog

Josh: nope try again

Sam: he would've killed my dog had he done the thing he threatened to do but he did not actually do that thing and therefore my dog is still alive...barely

Josh: yes

CJ: I'm confused...the dog is okay right?

Josh: very much alive and healthy

Sam: if you call barely escaping death okay then yes I suppose

Charlie: which dog are we talking about here

Sam: DOES IT MATTER?

Charlie: it matters a lot cause Sully definitely hates me and if it's her then I no longer have any vested interest and I say good riddance

Sam: it is not Sully

Sam: it's Gill

Charlie: in that case...JOSH HOW DARE YOU?!

Josh: I did not lay a hand on his dog or do anything that would come close to causing harm to him

CJ: wait why are you with his dog?

Josh: ...that's irrelevant

Donna: separation anxiety

CJ: are you actually in New York right now? AGAIN?!

Josh: I'm not NOT in New York right now if that's what you're asking

CJ: it was not but it answered my question anyways

Toby: I'm literally one stupid text away from driving up there and killing this dog myself just to shut you all up

Sam: you're a mean person

Josh: why'd we even let him in the chat anyways he's such a mood killer

Sam: he may be a mood killer but at least he's not a DOG killer

Josh: your dog is fine. Let. It. Go.

Toby: getting in the car now

Sam: IM NOT LETTING IT GO

CJ: is anyone else at least mildly interested in what Josh threatened to do that would've caused the dog's untimely death?

Charlie: I don't know but I wish it was Sully and I wish he'd have done it

Sam: you're all awful human beings

Sam: I'm gonna buy you all a dog for Christmas so you can become attached to them and then kill them all

Donna: I don't even respond enough to warrant anger being directed at me and yet I'm always spoken about in the collective as if I'm part of the issue

Sam: except I'd never do that because that's immoral and satanic

Toby: getting on the interstate

Josh: might I remind you Samuel that I was the one who begged YOU for a dog back in the day and that you put up quite a fight so I'm not sure you should be pinning me as the animal hater here

Sam: you found that dog on the side of the ROAD it could've had RABIES

Toby: ETA is 6:57 AM

Charlie: y'all think Toby's actually on his way there

CJ: I honestly can't tell but I wouldn't doubt it...if he shows up tell him hi for me

Josh: someone tell him to stop texting and driving

Sam: you texted him that while he was driving so you're contributing to the problem

Josh: SHUT

Josh: UP

Donna: josh go to bed

Josh: you're not in charge of me here. Ainsley is and she's asleep so I can do what I want

Sam: which apparently includes threatening the lives of my pets

Josh: I'm going to bed

Sam: turns out Ainsley was not asleep

Josh: she's sending us both to our rooms

Josh: apparently we were yelling

Sam: "yelling"

Donna: don't put quotation marks around that like it's debatable

Josh: you're not here so how would you know

Donna: because I've spent 15+ hours with both of you for over a decade now

Charlie: ROASTED

Toby: currently stuck in traffic so the ETA may be later than expected

. . . . .

Sam: josh

Sam: Joshua

Sam: JOSH

Josh: WHAT

Sam: we gotta get the dogs in a safe place because I'm not waking up at 7:00 in the morning on a Saturday to hide them from Toby when he gets here

Josh: shoot you're right

Josh: how're you gonna sneak past Ainsley though

Sam: I don't know I'm working on it

CJ: can you not take this to your own separate conversation?

Sam: make a loud noise so I can come check on you

Josh: kay

Donna: josh don't break anything

Sam: josh broke a lamp

Donna: I'm putting you guys on do not disturb and going to sleep

CJ: make sure you tell toby hi for me before he kills your dog because if you wait until after then you'll be angry and you'll forget

Sam: we're locking them in the room with josh so they'll be safe

Charlie: leave Sully out

Sam: your Gill favoritism is really not appreciated

Josh: sam Sully is a demon dog even you don't like her most of the time

Sam: shhhh

**Well, that's all for now, but I'm working on more ideas as they come to me. And feel free to suggest convo topics because I'm up for basically anything. I hope this gives off the lighthearted domestic vibes I was going for :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**ha ha im back with more not-funny, funny content.**

Sam to _Molly Wyatt Mickey Mantle_: hey guys you wanna hear a funny joke

Sam: remember that time we tricked Toby into thinking Bartlet wasn't ready for the debate

Charlie: lol yeah what about it?

Sam: that's it

Sam: that's the joke

Josh: LOLOLOL THAT WAS A GOOD ONE

CJ: one of our finest moments if I do say so myself

Toby: ha, yeah, real good one. Hey, you guys remember that time Sam slept with a prostitute?

Josh: HAHAHAHA

Sam: okay...

Donna: or the time he told Karen Cahill there were nuclear weapons in Kyrgyzstan?

Sam: this was about making fun of Toby

Charlie: or the time he almost burned down the White House?

Sam: hey! That was more josh than me

Charlie: not how I heard it

Josh: did I tell you guys about the time my dad was trying to teach him how to sail and he fell out of the boat?

CJ: no but your mom did...can we talk about the time Ainsley kicked Sam's butt on national television?

Sam: I hate you all...not josh's mom though she deserves better

Josh: ooooo and what about the time he ran for Congress...and LOST

Sam: ha ha yeah GOOD ONE

Sam: ive got a better one...remember when josh dated Amy?

Josh: ...that was uncalled for...

Charlie: oof. Hit below the belt a little with that one

CJ: remember when josh dated MANDY?

Donna: LOL YEAH

Josh: can we go back to Sam?

Toby: when did you date Sam?

Donna: the real question is when did he stop dating Sam?

Charlie: true

Sam: :/

Josh: I'm confused

Sam: same but I can tell I'm being attacked

Josh: why are we both getting attacked?

Josh: this was supposed to be about Toby

Sam: it's your fault for turning it against me

Josh: TOBY turned it against you

Sam: yeah but you went in too

Josh: haha okay lets go back to that then remember when you kept your love life a secret from me for 5 years then got engaged and wouldn't tell me who it was to but had the balls to ask me to be your best man and then I found out Donna knew the whole time? That was a good one

Sam: I WAS ACROSS THE COUNTRY AND YOU NEVER CALLED ME

Charlie: how many times is Sam gonna pull that excuse?

CJ: I don't know it all feels very "we were on a break" to me

Donna: told you they're dating

Josh: Sam

Josh: I hate you

Josh: and I also love you

Sam: aw i love you too buddy! :)))

Josh: but I hate you more

Donna: never mind they aren't dating they're married

Sam: :/

Charlie: hey yall wanna come over sunday for dinner we just got a new grill i can do steaks

Donna: ooo yeah let's do it!

Josh: are you gonna make fun of me for asking for mine to be well done

Sam: yes

Josh: then no

Chalrie: i'm not going to make fun of you

Josh: really?

Charlie:...that much

Toby: when he asks for his well done say "okay, come back tomorrow"

Donna: ^^ yeah he hates when they do that at Masa

Josh: i feel targeted the second i walk into that restaurant

Sam: yeah between chloe crying every time they do the fire and you whining about being called out that entire experience is really starting to lose its appeal

Charlie: so...sunday?

Donna: yes!

CJ: wait i wanna come :((

Josh: no

CJ: thats not a very nice josh

Josh: you make fun of me the most

Sam: im pretty sure ainsley makes fun of you the most

Josh: well yes...but i have enough ammo to get her back

Donna: josh is scared of CJ

Toby: aren't we all?

Charlie: I'm telling Zoey you're all coming and if you back out she's going to cry

Sam: using your wife's hormones to your advantage is playing dirty

Donna: we'll be there! I'll make sure Josh isn't extra pouty

Toby: Will i still be accepted if i come without my children?

Charlie: i mean...i guess

Toby: then i will be there

Sam: ains says sunday is good for her :)

Charlie: sweet

CJ: i feel so left out :(

Josh: good


	5. Chapter 5

**Okay there's a lot of disclaimer her, so basically I own nothing but the low grade comedy. This chapter is particularly funny if you've seen Suits, and probably not very funny at all if you haven't, so apologies, but I needed this for myself.**

**Dedicating this specific chapter to all my friends that I've turned into Suits fans (and to Annie who was already one, but who indulges me nonetheless and helped brainstorm this a bit). **

Sam to We're Gettin' a Library Fools: okay suits last night...can we all just take a minute to appreciate that

Charlie: I literally almost sent that exact text when I first finished it but I didn't want to spoil anything for CJ lol

Josh: HARDMAN CAN GO DIE IN A HOLE

CJ: I was full on SCREAMING at the tv when Donna slapped him though

Donna: I love her so much

Sam: that's because she's you

Donna: she's really not but okay

CJ: she is! Also the part after when Harvey was so proud of her I was like just kiss her already jeez

Josh: WAIT. If our Donna is suits Donna then who is our equivalent of Hardman??

Toby: hoynes probably

Charlie: TOBY

CJ: I JUST SPIT OUT MY COFFEE

Sam: lololol

Donna: he's not wrong

CJ: STOP GUYS. It's too early for me to laugh this hard

Josh: John hoynes is actually Daniel Hardman: a conspiracy

Charlie: it's lunch time over here ceej

Toby: they're both sleazy and creepy so it's the only logical conclusion

Donna: I honestly think hoynes is the only person I could ever validate slapping

Sam: same

Josh: you guys are way too soft

Charlie: isn't that why you married them?

Sam: :)))

CJ: okay wait you guys

CJ: there's only two episodes left this season can we just watch them both tomorrow

Sam: probably gonna have to stay late with amy tomorrow to finish a thing /

Charlie: have fun with that

Sam: I hate you

Josh: I still don't understand why we have to all watch them at the same pace

Charlie: Joshua we've been over this

Sam: NO SPOILERS IN THE GC

CJ: we cant talk about it together if we're all in different places

Donna: I have to explain this to him once a week I kid you not

Sam: if you guys wanna watch them tomorrow I won't be offended

Sam: ains can catch me up in the morning and I'll watch them later

Toby: molly has a game tomorrow so I'm not sure that I could get around to it either

CJ: it's fine we don't have to it was just a suggestion

Donna: you're dying to finish the season though

CJ: maybe just a bit

Charlie: Zoey is too

Sam: wait molly has a game tomorrow

Toby: yes

Sam: I wanna come

Josh: the thing with Amy?

Sam: dang nabbit

Charlie: ...

Donna: it's a thing from Hannah Montana

Sam: the girls are obsessed and I've been conformed

Josh: did I tell you I said that in front of the attorney general the other day and Matt was about to kick me out

Sam: LOL NO

Donna: yeah so that happened

Sam: molly and Miranda have become the death of my culture

Charlie: apparently

Josh: all they do is watch Disney channel

Sam: wizards of waverly place is actually funny

Donna: it's good when ainsley isn't constantly talking about how they ripped everything off of Harry Potter

CJ: THEY DID THOUGH

Toby: I honestly have no actual idea what's happening right now

Charlie: me neither...CJ watches Disney channel? In her spare time?

CJ: It's wholesome

Josh: more like she has so much free time she has to watch it to fill up the extra space

CJ: are you guys ever going to get sick of the job jokes?

Toby: never

CJ: great thank you

Sam: :)


End file.
